I have no recipe today. In fact, I haven't been cooking much lately. Not that I haven't been eating, but I wasn't enjoying it.

Although I announced my engagement in my last post, and I thank you for you kind thoughts and congratulations, I've been walking a tough road since then. One with much thought, introspection and examining of my life, past, current, and future.

I realized that I wasn't happy, and that I can't try to take another big step forward without remedying that. I can't bind my life to another's until I my life is what I want it to be, and then to know that the Trainer and I can still make it work.

There are certain things that I cannot change, we simply cannot afford to get our own place, even the tiniest of holes in the wall, and the Trainer won't leave his family, his mother most importantly, with the additional financial obligation of paying for the apartment without us.

Other things I can change. I came to New York to be an artist and I realized that I've been trapped in a hamster wheel of a desk job, my butt stuck to a chair and my eyes glued to a computer screen, only seeing people who aggravate me on a good day and drive me absolutely up a wall on a bad day. I haven't created an honest to goodness piece of art in over a year. That must change. I have signed up for a glass art course and I am going to be taking back time for my myself and my art.

I grew up hiking, camping and cave exploring with my parents, instilled with a love and respect for the natural world. Before the Trainer all my serious relationships were with other cavers, and caving, hiking and camping was never and issue, just something we did. I haven't hiked in 3 years. That is due, in part, to my own illness and the long road that led me to discovering my celiac disease and later to the Specific Carbohydrate Diet. Now that my stomach and internal organs all seem to be in working order, and my skin is no longer my enemy, I feel that I can venture away from 'home' for more extended periods of time. I woke with a start in the middle of the night and wondered what would happen if I never went hiking again. Not a prospect I relish, I must admit. And so, I must find a join a hiking group and really reconnect with nature. This will nurture my soul and my art.

For days I worried how these changes would affect my relationship with the Trainer. I made myself sick with it. I know it is highly unlikely that the Trainer will go hiking with me, and we're used to doing just about everything together. I wonder how he will react to not having me home on the weekends, when I will be out side or in the studio. After I upset myself with all the things that I thought could go wrong I finally had to present my concerns to him, he could tell I was unhappy. And all he said was "take care of yourself, you support me and you know I support you in anything you choose to do."

Such simple words, a smile, a hug and a kiss and a huge weight was lifted from my heart. It remains to be seen how this will work in reality, but I am happier than I have been in a long time.

Heather has given me the Kreativ Blogger Award but I'm going to wait until I have my feet under me again before I list the seven things I love.

I'm still here, I'm still cooking and I will be creating again.

See you soon!

Home Again

For any and all of you who are wondering where I've gotten to, I'm back in New York safe and sound. I'm working on sorting out all the pictures from my trip and a few new concoctions. When I got home we removed Toni's collar, his last step back to health and normalcy. But, best laid plans. . . the other night, several days after being reunited Toni and his twin Tavo had a knock-down drag-out brawl, leaving them both bloodied and battered. And me to clean up and take care of my little ones.

So, hopefully the dust will settle, I'll get used to this whole work schedule again and I'll have lots of great Alaska pictures to share, as well as a menu (I've eaten variations on the theme of chicken all week) and perhaps even a new recipe as well.

Goodbye Granola

If you've seen The Devil Wears Prada (see 0:44), then you have some idea of what my life is like here in New York. This morning I found myself running for the bus with my over-full gym/lunch bag in one hand, my purse over my other arm, trying to answer a text massage from my boss, all in one of my best dresses. Thankfully this was sans high heels, which I keep a collection of under my desk. The montage of Andy running around loaded down with bags and boxes ran through my head. And my first task when the boss got in? Make lunch reservations, at two restaurants, for his very important customer. *sigh* If only I got all those clothes, too.

Good thing I had this for breakfast to get me going.

Lately I've been making my own granola bars, so that I could tailor them to my specific desires, increase the protein and cut down on the sugar. My mother used to make granola with oatmeal and wheat germ, and I found that quinoa flakes and flax meal make very good substitutes. These recipes still need a little tinkering, but I present them to you as a starting point.

Raw Granola Bar

1/2 cup- Pumpkin seeds
1 cup- dried cherries
2 cup- quinoa flakes
2 cup- Mesa Sunrise or other GF cereal
1/4 cup- flax meal
1/2 cup- peanut butter (or other nut butter)
3/4 cup- agave syrup or honey
1 tsp- vanilla extract (GF)
Cinnamon
Sea Salt
6 tbsp- NutriBiotic protein powder (optional)

In a small microwave safe bowl, or on the stove, heat the nut butter, agave and vanilla and stir until well mixed.

In a separate bowl mix all the dry ingredients well.

Pour agave nut butter mixture over the dry ingredients and stir until everything is well coated.

line a baking sheet or cake pan with wax paper. Press the granola mixtures into the pan using a wet spatula or a second sheet of wax paper on top. Place pan in freezer for several hours or over night.

Cut granola bars and keep refrigerated.

*Note: This batch came out a bit too moist. They were great straight from the freezer or fridge, but lacked structural integrity when they warmed up, they could probably work just as well with much less agave

Baked Granola Bar

1 cup- pumpkin seeds
1 cup- dried cherries
1 cup- dried blueberries
2 cup- quinoa flakes
2 cup- Mesa Sunrise or other cereal
1/4 cup- flax meal
1/2 cup- peanut butter, or other nut butter
1/2 cup- agave syrup or honey
1 tsp- vanilla
10 tbsp- NutriBiotic protein powder
Cinnamon
Sea Salt
2- egg whites

Preheat oven to 250 F and line a baking pan with wax paper

In a microwave safe bowl, or pan on the stove, heat the agave, peanut butter and vanilla, stirring until well mixed.

In a separate bowl, mix the dry ingredients well.

Add the peanut butter mixture and egg whites, stirring until everything is well distributed.

Press into prepared pan.

Bake for about 30 min.

*Note: These were dry and fell apart easily, probably because I used to much protein powder.

Puffed Amaranth Bar

1 cup- amaranth
2 cup- quinoa flakes
1 cup- mixed nuts
2 cup- dried fruits
1/4 cup- flax meal
1/2 cup-peanut butter or other nut butter
1/2 cup- agave syrup
1 tsp- vanilla
Cinnamon
Sea Salt
4- egg whites

Preheat oven to 250F and line a baking pan with wax paper.

In a large sauce pan with a cover heat a little oil on the stove. Puff the amaranth in small amounts in a manner similar to popping popcorn. Don't worry if it seems like some of it burns.

Collect puffed amaranth and other dry ingredients in a large bowl and mix well.

In a microwave safe bowl, or in a pan on the stove, heat the peanut butter, agave and vanilla, stirring until well mixed.

Add the peanut butter mixture and egg whites to the dry ingredients. Stir until well mixed.

Press into baking sheet and bake for 30 min.

*Note: these were the most satisfying in terms of being like a store bought granola bar, but, in my opinion, much healthier.

A Busy Week and Sea Bass Papillote

Sea Bass Papillote

It's been a bit of a busy week so far. The Trainer's brothers forget that just because their schedule has changed, mine has not, and my morning routine's been all thrown off. Beside the fact that I'm having to get up earlier to begin with.

I've been so tired lately. Yesterday there was an emergency visit to the Vet, sans Toni, since he's still losing weight and not eating much. I had to stop by after work and get special food to feed him. Today he's coming to work with me so I can monitor him.

The Trainer is taking an online movement assessment course so that he can move up to the next level of trainer at his gym. He wanted my help and support while taking his test last night, but I conked out somewhere around question 8. I vaguely remember something about him passing, but that could have been a dream. (I hope not)

It's a good thing I prepared my Sea Bass Papillote on Monday, as I've been too tired to cook since.

Yesterday also marked my 1 year anniversary at my job. Outside of college this is the longest I've held a "real" job. Here's hoping this weeks check is larger than last weeks. (I believe I'm going to get reimbursed for the sick days I haven't used)


Sent from my iPhone

iPhone! iPhone! iPhone

I am not a person that idles well. I can't really sit still. Stare off into space? Not me!

I need fairly constant mental stimulation. I like to take action. To do SOMETHING. I will read just about anything you put in front of me. And probably knit at the same time. I keep crossword puzzles ferreted away all kinds of places. Unless, and not always then, I'm completely exhausted can I sit still and just 'chill out'

This can drive the Trainer crazy, he's a work hard and then chill out kind of guy. But then again, when he works he works a lot harder than I do.

And that is why this iPhone, this new "toy" is so worth it! I can write posts while I'm on the subway or bus and email them to myself to post ((you'll notice that they may be tagged "sent from my iPhone" at the bottom). I can do research on the bus or the elevated train. And I can read my blogs or chat with friends while the Trainer is doing research or studing on the laptop.

So: hooray for my iPhone! We will all benefit from this new gadget.


Sent from my iPhone

Toni

As I may have mentioned before, we have two gerbils. One of them just became one very expensive Pocket Pet.

This is Toni, and along with his twin brother Tavo, these two little guys rule the roost here in Queens. Everyone in our household loves these little guys. My boyfriend says that they have changed the whole atmosphere of the family.

So, it comes as no surprise that, when he fell off the kitchen table Wednesday morning and hurt his leg, I took the day off work and took him to Vet. To the tune of I-don't-even-want-to-talk-
about-how-much.


When I was finally able to bring him home in the evening he had been through anesthetic, x-ray, digital x-rays and he now has a cast and "Elizabethan' collar so that he can't chew his cast.

The brothers now have to be separated because Tavo also wants to chew on the cast too. Hopefully we'll get a screen up between them so they can at least talk to each other.

Right now this little guy is the center of my life until he gets better.

I'll get more reviews up soon, and this months Go Ahead Honey It's Gluten Free (the one where no one cooked) is looking pretty good when my time is devoted to Toni.